quattuor annis

 Java, not a day goes by that I do not think of you. It seems like only yesterday that I had to say goodbye, not four years. I miss you buddy. The concept of a "higher power" eluded me early in my recovery. Then I had an epiphany: You are my higher power. I know you know this but I will say it anyway - I look to you for guidance and support. Sometimes I feel you right there with me. I am grateful for that and for actually realizing it. 

I will repeat the last words you heard me say - you are a good boy and I love you.

Day 1095

It would be nice if that Rainbow Bridge thing is true...see ya soon.

Two Years Gone

The weather is beautiful, wish you were here.

The Watch

waiting on a friend

The Wabbit

 Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m looking for that cwazy wabbit.

 

The Dream

I rarely remember dreams. I remember I had a dream about Java the other night. He used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and bark once; like he was asking to be invited up. I would say "come on" and he would start his slow climb. The single light on the stove gives enough light, around the corner and through the living room, that standing at the top, I can see shapes pretty well looking down the stairway and around the bottom of it. That night I couldnt sleep and I got up around 2 am. Returning from the bathroom, I looked down the stairs as I walked past as I routinely do, and went back to bed to try again.

In the dream, it was the same thing all over again. As I was returning to the bedroom, I turned my head and looked down the stairs. I saw the outline of a large dog starting to climb the stairs. There was no more definition to it, the rest was shadows. I accepted that it was Java coming upstairs and continued back to bed to try to sleep again.

I ended up getting only about 2 hours sleep. But for a moment in there somewhere, Java was home.

The Pain

Lennox,

I am sorry you were abducted, and for no fault of your own.
I am sorry you were kept from your family, in a dirty hole, in secret.
I am sorry you were treated so poorly during that time.
I am sorry for the confusion, loneliness, and heartbreak you felt.
I am sorry for the anguish your family had to endure.
I am sorry you were prevented from seeing your family one last time.
I am sorry you were made out to be a monster.
I am sorry the courts failed you.
I am sorry you suffered for so long.

I am sorry that a handful of humans couldn't see their way to sparing your life. But I want you to know how many hundreds of thousands of other humans were at your side. We did our best.

I am so sorry.

The Ears

"You wanna go out?"

Everybody talks to their dogs. Of course they cant talk back. But nobody said anything about sign language.

The Gift

Its been 10 months since that day in July. Saying goodbye to Java was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. The only thing that even comes close to consolation is that it was what was best for him. That's the dark side of having dogs. But this is about the good stuff, so let's start at the beginning...

May 1997
It was my birthday. Hopefully, just another day. Rebekah came over and said she had a birthday gift for me. I noticed she also had a suspiciously devious grin on her face. As instructed, I followed her out to the sunken patio, where she told me to wait. She ran up the stairs to the driveway and disappeared, with me following when she yelled for me. Being a fan of good surprises (and a fan of Rebekah's), I didn't try to guess what it was. I wanted the full effect of whatever she had in store for me. Well, I should have maxed the protection on my photometric Rayban's. Rebekah was walking towards me with a huge paper shopping bag, printed with balloons and confetti with a big yellow bow on it, her smile a mile wide. In the bag, there was puppy peaking out of the top of it.

"You want me to do what?"

  Java at the helm in the Petco lot just before being birthday bagged.

It was a full blown, off the rails, OMFG moment. Heart thumping, I was reduced to a blithering idiot. homina, homina, homina...I stammered "Holy shit, is that a puppy?" Yes, genius. That's a puppy. Rebekah had another shopping bag, purple with ribbons and more confetti with a big purple bow on it. In addition to the small dog, these bags were filled with everything the recipient of a surprise birthday puppy might need. From a tiny puppy crate, puppy food, cleaning wipes, and a dog license form to puppy toys, a disposable camera, puppy food & water bowls, a puppy book titled "Surprise Puppy? - Your Life Will Never Be the Same", a puppy collar and leash, 2 more cameras, a puppy training guide and last but not least, more toys. Something else caught my eye. At the very bottom of the purple bag, almost completely hidden by all the brilliantly colored tissue paper,  was a small white card about half the size of a playing card. On one side in barely perceptible, flowing script was written "If we know ourselves, we're always home, anywhere." On the other side was a smeared black stamp - "this item non-returnable".

It was the beginning of a 14 year saga of love and laughter, comfort and companionship with many adventures and lots of wagging tails and sloppy licks.

Receiving the first of many obligatory "He is just so cute" goochie gooze.

This is all Milton's fault. Had I not been hanging around with him so much, I dont think Rebekah would've had the idea to get me my own dog. Now, I will never be without at least one. They are so much better to be around than most humans.

3 boys

Java doing his best WTF after being restricted from roaming the countryside without adult supervision.

The Condition

Everyone's heard of that saying "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Its a line from the movie "Love Story". It has been quoted, misquoted and parodied (like "being from Jersey means never having to say you're sorry") a zillion times. I was trying to think of a way to clone it into something about unconditional love. You know, the kind you'll never get from a human. On my white board I wrote "unconditional love means never having to say _ _ _ _ _ _" and stared at it for a couple of weeks, getting nothing. Then I was watching Nicky watching me, wagging his tail right up to his neck with that "Yeah, and now what?" look on his face and wishing for the Nth time that my dog could talk to me, if only for a moment.

Then it dawned on me.